Beware the KFC Double Down, My Son

Beware the Double Down, my son. It is said to have two thick and juicy boneless white meat filets of a chicken (Original Recipe® or Grilled - perchance one of each?), two pieces of pig's bacon, two melted slices of cow's cheese (Monterey and pepper jack) and it oozes The Colonel's Sauce! And no bun!  No bun my son.

Though only available nationwide since April 12, the KFC Double Down has already achieved the folkloric infamy of a cautionary tale. Like Dumb Hans I blatantly disregarded the warnings of the dangerous foodstuff, naively ventured into KFC territory and called out the creature's name into the mouth of the drive-thru speaker box. I casted aside the combo meal option ($6.99 - potato wedges and a drink) but was blindsided and relieved of $5.34 for the "sandwich"; the wound weighed heavy. Verily I wrestled with the beast. Like so many beast of lore, the horrifying truth needed not hyperbole - the Double Down actually looked like it's promotional ads. It was handled easily enough, the paper pocket made it manageable with one hand and the chimera did not fall apart as I ate. The signature aftertaste of KFC chicken, the peppery cheese and sauce shouted o'er the greasy din like a manatee's snout huffing air in a slow moving, brackish river. Only a paper bag was available to help absorb the greasy goatee. No bun was expected, but no napkins!? No napkins my son!  I could feel my blood pressure rise with the torrent of sodium (1380 mgs) and a little rush from a dopamine and norepinephrine meat-induced high. Like so many disgusted fools before me, the KFC Double Down won the day.

Darren Tristano, executive vice president at Technomic, a food industry consulting firm, explained in a recent Salon.com interview that the KFC Double Down-strosity's target audience is, "...working-class consumers that have less discretionary income and are looking for a very satisfying meal." He goes on to state it is to be a fuel source for lawn crews ("Timing-wise, this is the start of the lawn-care season... so this could be fuel for that labor effort."), ditch diggers, pool boys and manual laborers. Speaking as a manual laborer with low discretionary income, the KFC Double Down initially gave me sticker shock, mounds of meatyness be damned.  I was trying this out of curiosity, to experience the forbidden, to test my mettle and tell my tale. The amount of self loathing required to choose this abomination over other fast food is indeed a horrifying thought.

KFC Double Down Nutritional Info:


Serving Size (gms) 241
Calories 540
Calories from Fat 290
Total Fat (gms) 32
Saturated Fat (gms) 10
Trans Fat (g) 0.5
Cholesterol (mgs) 145 
Sodium (mgs) 1380
Carbohydrates (gms) 11
Dietary Fiber (gms) 1
Sugars (gms) 1
Protein (gms) 53