ESPN Gives Sports the Full Captain Eo

ESPN and the mouse pulling its strings are launching a 3D network; seriously. Following a year filled with 3D films, (more slated for 2010-11!) Disney must have felt the time was right to reach out into the sports world and overhaul the boring HD flatness, because munching on snacks and buzzing on beer is so lame in 2D, we want 3D glasses strapped to your heads!

The network, ESPN 3D, is slated to have 85 live sporting events in the first year, starting June 11 with a World Cup match between South Africa & Mexico. Other events: 2011 BCS National Championship Game, various college basketball & football games, 25+/- World Cup matches, and the Summer X-Games.

How this will add anything to the games is not clear. How much more interesting will any of the games really get in 3D? If everything is viewed moving horizontally, from a predominantly zoomed out vantage point, where's the wow factor? Will ESPN add additional camera crews to get ground level, in-your-face views just so players can poke their hands at the camera, and occasionally throw things at the audience?

The special effects may be left to the commentators and maybe the cheerleaders. They could play with yo-yos and have laser effects around them. Maybe a furby/butterfly mascot to wave cutely at the screen before commercial breaks.

"This is a turning point for 3-D," Consumer Electronics Association CEO Gary Shapiro told USA Today.

My stomach is already queasy thinking about it.

Below is a artistic interpretation of how ESPN 3D will "change the world", starting with evil 2D overlords.

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