Foolish interwebbers, The End is nigh! Doomsday comes but every so often and tomorrow our time is up yet again. What form it will take is not totally understood, so here's a playlist to help save your some precious moments while preparing your futile survival kits, parties and/or U.S. Secret Service 5k strategies (4 AM setup for me, woohoo!)
1. "It's the End of the World As We Know It (And I Feel Fine)," R.E.M., Document
It's the go to song, but take time to learn all the lyrics. Your friends will be mesmerized as you breath deep and effortlessly rattle off the verses. While they sit gaped mouthed waiting to join in on the chorus, kill them. It's about survival.
2. "Cold Brains," Beck, Mutations
They tried to warn us, but we didn't listen. The CDC has all but admitted the zombie virus will sweep across North America by this time tomorrow. Nothing left of humanity but rotted, mushy leftover brain bits on the ground. The few survivors will teach this song to their children as a warning, passing it down through the generations until it becomes a nursery rhyme. Future experts will scoff at those whom subscribe to the baseless zombie plague interpretation.
3. "Come Sail Away," Styx, The Grant Illusion
Like children lured into a stranger's car with promises of puppies and candy, "we climbed aboard their starship, we headed for the skies". Then the raping began. Of the planet; we were food. Dr. Peter Venkman said it best, "Occasionally you meet a nice one; Starman, E.T., but usually they turn out to be some kind of big lizard!"
4. "I Don't Want to Miss a Thing," Aerosmith, Armageddon Soundtrack
Really you could just use the whole soundtrack, but that's even more lyrics you would have to memorize and you don't have that kind of time. Nuclear winter will soon be here. This time you're the dinosaur. So pop in this song and get you some end of days nookie. You don't want to die a virgin, do you?
5. "Princes of the Universe," Queen, A Kind of Magic
Not all end of days have to be negative. Maybe we'll shed our bodies, becoming non-corporeal, immortal beings! What better song to celebrate our leveling up than the theme to Highlander? Maybe we'll hitch a ride on a starship hidden in a comets tail...hey, wait a minute. Shit; soul eating aliens.
6. "Starting All Over Again," Mel and Tim
Per my quick Wikipedia research, many Native American mythologies believe in a cyclical interpretation of time. We're currently in the "4th World" and will progress to the "5th World". Think Mayans. Of course, we got till December 2012 by their calendar. So if tomorrow doesn't pan out, just keep this song handy for the end of next year.
7. 'C' is for Cookie," Cookie Monster, Sesame Street: Platinum All-Time Favorites
It's good enough for furry, blue monsters, it's good enough for me. Don't panic. Stockpile milk and cookies, sit back and just ride out the coming end of days.
8. "Feel Good Hit of the Summer," Queens of the Stone Age, Rated R
C is also for Cristal and Cocaine. If cookies won't do it for you, hit the hard stuff. One final chance to get blitzed out of your mind before the world comes crashing down. Don't die regretting you never snorted coke off a whore's ass. Crank it to eleven and carpe diem.
9. "Party Til You Puke," Andrew W.K., I Get Wet
For a full-out drunken orgy of denial. Combines the angst of 8 with the immortality of 5. They can have this world when they pry it from our dead, cold brains. Which the zombie aliens will then eat after they're done with the raping.
10. "Adagio for Strings," New Zealand Symphony Orchestra and Andrew Schenck, The 50 Most Essential Pieces of Classical Music
When the inevitable does occur, this beautiful piece by Samuel Barber is perfect as you are overwhelmed with images beyond your imagination. When real life happens in slow motion, this orchestral number will put Oliver Stone's direction to shame (piece was used in Platoon).
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