Not Another Star Crossed, Mystical Teen Movie: The Musical 3D

I was sure the final blow to complete the Ouroboros of Hollywood's Pitch-tank of Appropriated, Monkey-typed Scripts would have been dealt by the contrived pop culture "referenceur" team of Friedberg & Seltzer with "Rebooted 1980's Toys Movie 3D". You knew it was going to happen, it was a safe bet.

Instead the pale rider on a paler horse of Limey cinema has taken up the gauntlet, intent on one-upping their Yank cousins by turning our fascination with UK character actors, magiks, musicals, 3D and rehashed ideas back on us with a series of movies "targeting the 'Harry Potter' and 'High School Musical' market" IN 3D, yo!

Based on musical versions of the plays created by Shakespeare 4 Kidz, "Hamlet" will be the first of the six total pictures ("MacBeth", "Romeo & Juliet", "A Midsummer Night's Dream", Twelfth Night, and "The Tempest").

So armed with a "$10 million budget for the initial three films" we can expect some high end, not at all obvious, pop-out-go-wow, 3D effects, right? Well, we are assured Hamlet will rock you so hard.

"Hamlet" lends itself to a 3-D treatment. The producers hope to include a ghost that hovers in front of the aud's eyes, cannon fire that flies into the auditorium and a sword fight that appears to happen all around viewers.

Such Xtreme awEZomenEZ will be accompanied by the reality show "Movie Quest -- A Romeo 4 Juliet," a public search to find two "undiscovered" young actors to play the lead parts of Romeo and Juliet. Renée Zellweger is rumored (just made it up) to play Mrs. Uncle.

Slow clap to you, L.A.-based private equity fund, European backers, Mark Thomas of Elsinore Films, Director John Godber and all the Queen's loyal subjects for staring into the void and asking it to name the capital of Assyria.

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