Howl-O-Scream Chronicles: Noob Like Me

Herein lies the tale of one noob's foray into the world of seasonal theme park employement. This chronicle will be added to as the event draws near.

11:00am - It was a fear of the unknown, the sort of fear roused by ignorance and a deep psychological need to not look like yuppie larva with a stick up his ass. What to wear?! This was a job where creepiness and a deep seeded love of scaring others were in demand qualities. People did no't wear khakis and polo shirts to those type of auditions, but I did. I was born with a stick and corporate America had jammed it further in place. Part of me knew better, which is why I brought a pair of jeans along, as well as a t shirt, a pair of shorts, and an alternate pair of socks and sneakers, just to stick it to The Man (in My Head).

11:30am - Leave for Busch Gardens. I begin practicing my "scary" face in the rear view mirror traveling up I-75. I reassured myself that this is how David Boreanez got started.

I forgot my ipod so I turned to the radio for some rock music to help work up scary emotions. I got Seether - Careless Whisper (because George Michael covers totally "ROCK!"). Whatever I might have gained from my loathing of Seether, was canceled by the craptastic cover. The alternative was Evanescence - Bring Me to Life. Thanks a lot Tampa "rock" stations.

11:45am - Arrived on scene. Everybody is wearing what I am not. Hi, my name is Square.

11:45am - 4:30pm -Check-in: 10 minutes. Picture taking/number assigning: 5 minutes. (I was 902 out of 934ish). Waiting for audition outside: 3.5 hours. Waiting for auditions inside: 1 hour.

This was the third day of auditions for re-ups and the first for noobs like me. The waiting was good though. I talked to many potential Howl-O-Screamers. Some were part of the 10% unemployed like myself. A few were fifth year veterans of the event. I learned 13 House is tits and I should be so lucky to be assigned to that scarefest of chainsaw wielding madness. They spoke of the big game they had spooked: Buccaneers, the Hulkster, anonymous lady who peed herself - legends all.

4:30pm - After many hours of discussion the upcoming audition requirements had been revealed: They take you in groups of ten and it's divided in two parts: Part 1: Pantomime/role playing Part 2: Scare Wall.

Part 1: Basic action was to dig a grave at one end of the room and walk the dirt back to the other end. During this process, different character roles were called out, and you took on this role as you tried to complete your task. We got: seductive vampire, victim being chased down by killer, and transforming werewolf.

Part 2: Stand behind Scare Wall at assigned hole, guy walks by 2x. Just open your slot and be scary when he walks past. I got the high up position, seemingly climbing over the wall to attack. Good times. Kudos to guy who screamed, "Get Out!"

5:00pm - general job assignments. I am happy to report I was assigned wall duty in Zone 2. What that means exactly I'll find out at orientation.

Miscellaneous Notes:

• Twilight sparkling vampire bullshit will not be tolerated. Disco-ball vampire head on pike was discussed.

• Bring a lunch or go get one, you got plenty of time.

• TBO writer Sarah Hoye reported in paragraph two of her article:
  

"[Sunday] was the final day of auditions for "Scareactors" wanting to frighten guests at the theme park's annual Howl-O-Scream event."

• I commented on the article (username GelatinousMonkey) to point out that the audition schedule link in the article contradicted this info. It shows 4 more audition dates. My comments get deleted. So I'll call Busch Gardens tomorrow to confirm if it's over or not.